I asked my sweet friend, Marjorie, to write about her own struggles.  She is such an inspiration to me.  She has had great insight and advice for me (at a time when I needed this the most) and has never judged me–always encouraging me to “shine.”

Shortly after the birth of my son, my self esteem (and energy) hit rock bottom.  Even a trip through the grocery check out, with all the fashion and beauty magazines would send me spiraling downward.  After some very dark moments that seem to run into months and a lot of soul searching, I realized that I had never really liked myself or the way I looked and now with sleep deprivation common to new parents, that dislike turned to self loathing. Not one to suffer quietly, initially I looked for ways in which the world had wronged me, by not making me rich enough, tall and beautiful enough with large breasts, like the women I would gaze at enviously in the fashion magazines; even choosing the longest grocery check out lines so that I could get from cover to cover.  My healing began when I made a conscious decision to put down the popular images of wealth and beauty, looking instead for my personal brand, thus beginning my inward journey.  Originally I began with the goal of not picking up a fashion or beauty magazine for 1 month; challenging because the self loathing had become not only destructive but the thought patterns addictive!  Soon one month became 3, then 6, then one year.  It might seem as an insignificant gesture, but one in which I needed to turn away from the images that our magazine publishers and marketing folks defined as sexy and beautiful to sell their products.  A 6’2” blonde, large breasted, impossibly skinny model may indeed be beautiful to some, but how had this image become the pinnacle of beauty!?  The answer is marketing and advertising, but the other answer is the choices I make regarding the information I take into to my consciousness. The journey to discover my own beauty and self worth is on going, having much more to do with acceptance than fitness level, cup size, bank statements or body type.  Nowadays, admittedly, I still turn to outside sources for inspiration and visions of beauty, but mostly that is defined by ones actions and desire to bring good to the world than by the ability to wear stiletto heels comfortably.