This was a unique shopping trip in that these two older women were from Utah and Wyoming. Myra is the younger lady who has become a dear friend of mine. This was a delightful day of helping these ladies get the right clothes for the right price! Cheers!

One of my more individual and married friends recently had a great book idea. The premise of his book was going to be about disrespectful men. This particular friend said, “I see way too many wonderful, sexy, beautiful women holding out for these men that are just not worth their time! Women need to start loving themselves enough to hold out for the real deal. The real deer, not the plastic one. There are some GREAT deer out there!!” I smiled. I agreed. I have been guilty in the past of shooting all my arrows at men (or plastic deer) who did not deserve me and passed up some really great opportunities to date some great guys. I know way too many women who have been guilty of this as well, and some who are still shooting all their ammunition at plastic deer. Before Mom died, she told me in one of our heart-to-heart conversations, “I want all of my girls to have relationships (be them friendships or romantic ones) where they feel like they are special. All of you girls are special and beautiful, and you deserve respect and special treatment. I never required that, and I want better for you girls.” She was right. My sisters Marcy and Sadie related to me the other night that “something snapped” after Mom died, and they just “won’t allow themselves to be mistreated by anyone anymore.” Mom would be proud. I almost cried when Marcy said, “You know, I looked at myself in the mirror the other night and thought….wow, I really like what I see!!” It’s about time Marcy. You are a beauty!!

So this is for all you girls out there who don’t think you are lovely. You are! Make something of yourself. Read books, travel, do wild and crazy things, start businesses, color your hair, tell somebody to their face what you usually only say behind their back, be wild and daring, talk ideas, learn to play an instrument, go through the drive thru and order a diet water and on and on. Work on you, love you and respect yourself. Be humble, be wise and really, only invest your time in relationships and friendships that are based on mutual respect. AND for all you men out there who are great men, good for you. Mentor the younger ones and teach your babies! We need good men to rise up and take a stand on issues that matter!

I don’t know why I’m on a soap box tonight. I guess I get random fits of inspiration and since I only have the dog to talk to tonight I decided to write instead. I think I am rather squirrel like from having the flu too. Oh the things you think up when you are miserable. I guess misery breeds creativity as my friend Myra says.

I’m going make a chai late and map out a year plan to get myself to Jordan. One thing I hope to do in Jordan is learn some fashion tips from the women, though I have been asked to also share my sills. Much love and big dreams to all of you!

P.S. I know I must sound mean in this, but I mean well. I looked on the other day as this boy (yes, boy) totally totally belittled his girl’s logic during a conversation (he said it loudly enough for everyone to hear). I have no problem with agreeing to disagree or debating, but he treated her like the pooh on his shoe, and it made me sad. She was so embarrassed in front of all these people and I kind of just thought, “Dude, you totally look like the ass here!” I wanted to throw my fork at him. I wanted to tell her he was a plastic deer. Instead, I ate my cottage cheese. Maybe next time I’ll muster the courage…

I hope you all enjoy beautiful Elizabeth’s insight! This was a blessing to me

I believe every woman rides the fence on opinions of their body. It’s not that we just hate them, it’s that we face the confusion of, at tmes, enjoying and even liking parts of ourselves. But we torture ourselves with this division. There are times when we aren’t worried about losing weight because there is something enchanting about our hands, the line running from our waist to our knee, our neck, parts of us we like to see in the mirror. Yet there are times when we are angry we felt this way, times when we feel ashamed for feeling beautiful – especially if others do not reinforce it.

Many years ago I read a Biblical scholar who said that sin is nothing more than experiencing faith and doubt at the same time. His example is Oedipus, who fled from the oracle’s warning and enacted the prophecy. His faith, so this man said, was what he experienced in his fear – he ran because he believed. His doubt was his idea that he could overcome this. If he believed and had no doubt, he would have stayed in the temple for his whole life. Rather, he lived doubting the prophecy by the faith he could overcome it.

Often times I feel we as women are often defeated because we both believe and doubt our beauty, just as we both believe and doubt that we are loved. We do not stick with eating right or exercising because we don’t fully believe that we need to lose weight. We find it hard to take care of ourselves for our own happiness, because we are divided on what our own happiness should look like. We make choices we don’t want to because we want to be free, we want to assert ourselves.

Most times overeating has nothing to do with food, but with having previously under-eating. We are divided – we do not know if we deserve to eat or not. We do not know if we deserve to look beautiful or not. However, it is important to note that this division and confusion is not simply about not understanding ourselves, but the confusion of how we ought to interact with the world around us. How much does what other’s matter? And if it does matter – who do we listen to?

Here are some of my suggestions to deal with this division:

1) Do not feel guilty or confused about the times you do think you are beautiful. Recognize that this is a chance to be thankful for how you were made by God. There is a risk of vanity, but instead of worrying about that, take a moment to say a prayer of thanks and ask God to give you the perspective on your body that he does.

2) Make a list of the things you believe in, not the things you feel, and keep it somewhere important. Do you believe it is important to exercise? Instead of not exercising the next time you feel angry that you “have to” exercise in order to measure up, or if you are just feeling sad that taking care of yourself is hard work – you can remind yourself why it is important to you.
Here are some ides about things you could add to your list, depending on what is important or difficult for you:
I want to eat three balanced meals a day because I believe in nourishing my body and enjoying every day. I think it is important not to skip meals or punish myself. I think it is important to not indulge or try to escape and I will allow myself one dessert our special food 3 times a week.
I want to enjoy my body. I will dress intentionally to modestly accent my body and not hide it. I will not try to make myself feel better by drawing attention to myself through immodesty, but will enjoy colors and shapes that bring out to best of what God has given me. When I feel embarrassed or angry, I will spend five minutes with God sharing my honest feelings and remembering to be thankful for what I have and who I have been made.

3) For the times you will make mistakes, find someone you can confide in. It is important not to give up when things do not go perfectly. Part of our “bi-polar” attitudes toward our bodies is our culture’s focus on perfection. If you are aiming for material perfection, instead of peace with God, you will always be trapped. Only when your actions are important not just to for society, but for yourself and for God, is there a chance of mental, emotional, and spiritual unity in your thoughts and actions. Share with someone that you have made a mistake. This is not someone to scold you – this is someone who wants more than anything for you to be free – someone who understands that sharing your failures is an important step of reconciliation with God. The Catholic idea of confession is important because in it we embrace our humanity and God’s forgiveness as a continual process.

It is important to recognize that True Beauty is not ours but God’s. We are beautiful because he made us. When we want to get something out of our beauty, it only hurts ourselves and others. When we want to enjoy God and want him to be glorified – that is when we are truly beautiful!

Beauty is not a fixed ideal. In Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina the heroine is beautiful because she is willing to change. Although Anna is physically beautiful at first look, she refuses to have more children so that Vronsky will still love her. Tolstoy realized that this was impossible – bodies, faces, and skin change! He also recognized that it was dangerous to make that your aim. It drove Anna to suicide because she could never have the love she wanted, and it made people love her less! Kitty, on the other hand, grows more beautiful to everyone in her acceptance of her circumstances. When she is giving birth, Tolstoy even writes that he husband sees the divine shining through her in that acceptance! This leads me to my final suggestion:

4) Get rid of the picture in your head of the “perfect” you. Stop trying to reach the ideal you. The ideal you is going to change from month to month, year to year, When you decide that you have to look a certain way, you are cutting yourself off from others and from God. God’s power can come into our communities through us - if we are being beauty hogs, trying to preserve our human bodies, we can miss what God wants to do.

We all hope to find a way forward, and there is always room for all of us to grow. Just as in spring, it takes a long time after it warms up and starting raining for plants and flowers to grow and blossom, so sometimes it is hard for us to see our own beauty. This, however, does not mean that things are not happening. I believe that loving God means accepting our bodies every day – no matter what season we are in. We often hurt our bodies because we feel guilty or angry that we aren’t always perfect. Only when we trust that God has a purpose for us (and our bodies!) can we be free.

This was a special ‘party’ for me mainly because it was the first party I did after the loss of my mother. My mother was truly a woman who walked in beauty from the inside out! I will miss her dearly.

Emilie is one of my best friends.  I asked her to write for my page as well.  She is one of the most beautiful people I know….

I grew up with a very poor self-image. I always looked
at myself as less than I really was, totally relying
on what my perceptions were. I had no idea how God
could look on me with favor and show me that I was His
beautiful creation. Words of affirmation were present
in my life, but not  from my earthly father.
Nonetheless, I always shot these positive comments
down and stayed in the mindset that they were saying
those things just to say them.

The last several years have been an incredible journey
of salvation, grace, restoration, and renewal in and
through Christ that have enabled me to see the
beautiful image of what He can do in my life. Christ
takes the pain, the sadness, and the horrible
reminders of what was and brings us into the
realization of what truly is, even though we usually
take a long time to realize it. Because He has created
us all for His glory and to serve Him, our destiny
does not lie in what the world calls good and
profitable. Our true beauty is found in Christ alone,
acknowledging that we are truly nothing without Him.

I still have a long way to go to be able to accomplish
what God has for me, but I’m willing to live the
journey, experiencing the highs and lows of the
Christian walk. I want everything about me to reflect
the light of His love and grace that have chased after
me for many years. My earthly father wasn’t there to
give the affirmation that a young woman needed and
yearned for, but my heavenly Father always has been
and will continue to be the ultimate essence of this
intimate father to child connection.

“and provide for those who grieve in Zion-to bestow on
them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of
gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair….” Isaiah 61:3 NIV

 I asked my sweet friend, Marjorie, to write about her own struggles.  She is such an inspiration to me.  She has had great insight and advice for me (at a time when I needed this the most) and has never judged me–always encouraging me to “shine.”

Shortly after the birth of my son, my self esteem (and energy) hit rock bottom.  Even a trip through the grocery check out, with all the fashion and beauty magazines would send me spiraling downward.  After some very dark moments that seem to run into months and a lot of soul searching, I realized that I had never really liked myself or the way I looked and now with sleep deprivation common to new parents, that dislike turned to self loathing. Not one to suffer quietly, initially I looked for ways in which the world had wronged me, by not making me rich enough, tall and beautiful enough with large breasts, like the women I would gaze at enviously in the fashion magazines; even choosing the longest grocery check out lines so that I could get from cover to cover.  My healing began when I made a conscious decision to put down the popular images of wealth and beauty, looking instead for my personal brand, thus beginning my inward journey.  Originally I began with the goal of not picking up a fashion or beauty magazine for 1 month; challenging because the self loathing had become not only destructive but the thought patterns addictive!  Soon one month became 3, then 6, then one year.  It might seem as an insignificant gesture, but one in which I needed to turn away from the images that our magazine publishers and marketing folks defined as sexy and beautiful to sell their products.  A 6’2” blonde, large breasted, impossibly skinny model may indeed be beautiful to some, but how had this image become the pinnacle of beauty!?  The answer is marketing and advertising, but the other answer is the choices I make regarding the information I take into to my consciousness. The journey to discover my own beauty and self worth is on going, having much more to do with acceptance than fitness level, cup size, bank statements or body type.  Nowadays, admittedly, I still turn to outside sources for inspiration and visions of beauty, but mostly that is defined by ones actions and desire to bring good to the world than by the ability to wear stiletto heels comfortably.

I asked a dear friend of mine to write about her own struggles with ‘feeling beautiful.’ I hope you find her entry inspiring…

Truth versus feelings

Susan AdamsOctober 1, 2007

I just celebrated my 29^th birthday. It was a great day. Well, more like a great week. I’m a firm believer in stretching out birthday

celebrations as long as possible! A few parties, a few free meals…and a pedicure and manicure, of course!

After the celebrations were over, the remnants still lingered – a “Happy Birthday!” banner hanging in my dining room, leftover cake and some hilarious birthday cards sitting on my entertainment center (and beautiful fingers and toes, I might add J). I began mulling over the past year, recalling the ups and downs and all the ways I had changed and still other things I would like to see transformed in my life in the coming year. Amidst my pondering, I realized no one had asked me the age old question, “Do you feel older today?” That question always makes me laugh. As if I would wake up one day and suddenly have aches and pains and wrinkles and gray hair that were not there when I went to bed the night before. I know those who ask the question do so in jest, but I never know how to answer it. “No, I don’t feel any older….why, do I look older?”

I also think it is a little humorous simply because it does not matter how I feel. Despite my every effort to maintain a youthful appearance and remain young at heart, I AM older! Age is not something I can magically turn off. Against my will, I must succumb to the truth of the matter – each and every birthday, I am another year older. No matter how I feel. No matter how I look. No matter how old others may guess I am by looking at me. With each passing year, my age increases.

As I continued contemplating, I began thinking that, as a Christian, everything in life must be recognized in the same way.

Meaning, despite our feelings, truth is truth. It is something we cannot change. The Truth contained in God’s Word is something that cannot be altered. Too often, I allow my feelings to create my own “truth,” rather than lining up my feelings behind the everlasting Truth.

A few days before my birthday, I was working with four-year-olds at my church. Their verse for the week was, “He made everything beautiful,” Ecclesiastes 3:11. Such a simple truth and one I wanted so badly to get through their little heads into their little hearts so they would never be affected by this culture and the lies about the world’s version of beauty. We were studying creation that week, and I just wanted these little ones to know that they are beautiful, simply because God made them.

Why is it, I wondered, that I look at these children and see nothing but beauty, but when I look in the mirror most days I focus on all the things I wish were different about me. It’s not even the mirror only; at times it’s my inner beauty I feel needs so much work. I continually find things in my personality, gifts and skills I wish were different.

I realized that when I look at these precious little ones, my view of them and the beauty God has created in them is miniscule to how God views me. I absolutely love their little personalities and quirks. They are all developing differently, and it’s such a joy to watch and listen.

Even on their worst days, their beauty never changes in my eyes.

These children are not even related to me personally in any way. I do not have any nieces or nephews or children of my own, and I cannot imagine how immense my love for them will be and how unhindered my view of their beauty.

These are truths. The Truth of God’s Word is that He views me as beautiful, because I am a creation of His. He knit me together in my mother’s womb. He crafted me. I am His handiwork. Therefore, my view of myself needs to be unhindered. I must not allow the lies and deception present in this day and age to affect the Truth I know.

Do I feel another year older? No, not really, but I am definitely okay accepting the truth of the matter. My birth date will never change. I do not plan on ever fighting that fact. Do I feel unattractive at times? Too big, too tall, too boisterous, too outgoing…..you name it, and I’ve probably felt it. But, I am beginning to accept the Truth of the matter.

Psalm 139:13-18

13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;

Ecclesiastes 3:11a

11 He has made everything beautiful in its time.

As we approach Autumn, our favorite designers are unveiling their latest fantasy fabrics and extreme silhouettes on the runways of New York. But what chance does the common consumer have at actually owning a piece of what floats down the runways?

Apparently we have a pretty good one–IF we are savvy shoppers, as most designers have secondary lines that are runway-inspired.

“Most people want to be a part of what’s happening in fashion—we all get dressed,” says Michael Fink, vice-president, women’s fashion director for Saks Fifth Avenue. “If I am a designer, I want to design for the most people I can. What you find by designers who sell at different levels is that at lower levels, they’re using less expensive fabrics. The more extreme silhouettes that you see on the runway are redesigned to be more wearable.”

“As a fashion director,” he continues, “it’s interesting to see where inspiration comes from. Look at leggings—suddenly every girl was wearing them last summer. And for spring 2007, Ralph Lauren had cashmere leggings on the runway that he’d worked into the collection.” 

The only problem for designers is keeping everyone happy. “If a dress from the runway is $5,000 and the designer makes a similar look in the same season for $500, the high-end customer will be turned off,” Saks’ Fink says.

But usually, he adds, these customers understand how it works: “If they’re into fashion, they understand that there are levels of labels. They’re not surprised that there are different collections from the same designer on the second and third floors.”

And then there are collections that are created when the designer licenses his or her name to a separate manufacturer in a specific category. The designer may have input on the design of the collection, but more times than not, the licensee is in the driver’s seat.

Fashionistas nationwide are curiously awaiting the Simply Vera Vera Wang exclusive collection at Kohl’s. The line, with $34 silk-blend t-shirts and a $138 double-breasted brocade car coat, debuts Sept. 9.

Hot on Wang’s stiletto heels comes Alice Temperley’s collection at Target, in stores Sept. 16 for sixty days, featuring knit tops, jackets, dresses, pants and more from $14.99 to $139.99.

Iconic designer Roberto Cavalli’s one-off collection for women and men will launch in 200 H&M stores on Nov. 8. At press time, images were not available of the Cavalli line but a company spokeswoman described it as “glamorous,” offering “fall/winter party trends featuring sharp retro couture and androgynous decadence.”

Personally, I cannot wait for these separate fashion lines to hit store floors!  Part of what I teach in my business is to learn how to dress yourself beautifully and fashionably based on what your budget affords.  Ladies, it really is possible. 

BodyImageHealth.org is a fantastic resource.  I hope you take the time to read about it and perhaps take a closer look into some of the books they offer. 

Significant progress has been made in the past 20 years in understanding body image and dysfunctional eating problems. Unfortunately, we have not seen the same progress in preventing these concerns. As a result, body dissatisfaction among American women is rampant, with as many as 75% of adolescent girls feeling bad about their bodies and 70% saying they feel “fat.” In efforts to control or shrink their size, 65 to 75% of females in this country are on a calorie restrictive diet at any given time. Individuals who limit their eating for weight loss frequently miss out on important nutrients, are inevitably preoccupied with hunger pangs, and often feel like “failures” when their cravings for food naturally drive them to satisfaction. If this isn’t bad enough, “feeling fat” and “dieting” for weight loss are primary risk factors for eating disorders.

The negative impact of these problems is extending to younger and younger children. Studies report that almost half of 3rd to 6th grade girls now want to be thinner, regardless of size. At a time in their lives when children should feel secure in their body’s growth, developing confidence in the habits that will help them to become healthy adults with healthy weights, American kids are pre-occupied with their body size, afraid that food will make them fat, and eat in ways that are detrimental to health and well being.

Confused by their own body angst, many mothers feel insecure about intervening, fearful that their budding daughters might be excluded for taking up too much space. Fathers do not know what to say when their naturally rounding girls ask “am I fat? ” Boys are increasingly affected, as the national obsession with avoiding fatness has now become pervasive. No one of any age, gender or size can escape the continual barrage of messages to “lose some weight. ”

Despite its counterproductive nature, “dieting” continues to be embraced as the cure for the “wrong” body in the United States. But as the drive to be thin has prompted pervasive weight loss efforts, America has become the fattest nation on earth!  In light of this failure, it is inexcusable that we are now exporting the “diet mentality” and the comercial products it has spawned to other cultures as well.

Clearly much is wrong with this picture. A dramatically altered perspective is needed. The good news is that we now know enough to learn and to teach the next generation of children a more successful way. Based on prevention principles recognized by experts in the field, the Model for Healthy Body Image was developed as a comprehensive guide to challenge cultural myths that promote unhealthy body images and eating. Tested both in classroom and clinical settings, this model has produced very promising outcomes.

BodyImageHealth.org will introduce you to a Model for Healthy Body Image, and provide you with a variety of resources to help children, adults, and yourself to develop a positive body image, effective eating habits, nutritional health, fitness and weight.  

The oversized cardigan is coming back in a range of lengths and styles. These are always popular because they look elegant and can also be used as a coat. They work well for rounder figures mainly because soft wools complement bigger curves by draping nicely down the bodyline.  Petites should stick to plain colours and avoid large patterns. Also, the belted option should be avoided by rounded and ‘rectangle’ figures. Personally, I have a few oversized cardigans in different colors and love them. I get compliments each time I wear them, as wearing them without the belt creates a more symmetrical seamline for my body shape. Enjoy!